First fight: the aftermath.
The gift-giving fight is over!
The Aftermath: We now definitely know how the other one responds to conflict!
HE: Removed small things from the house that he thought I would miss (i.e. the cable we use to link the computer to the TV). He hid things that he thought I might look to use. He deliberately chose not to buy something for me when he went to the grocery store. He claims to have prepared himself overall for mental warfare - assuming that I would attack when he least expected it with some sort of psychological maneuver.
I: Simply chose to buy myself juice (for the first time since we've moved to NYC!) instead of my usual choice of Dr. Brown's Cream Soda for him. My reasoning: I can only carry so much and I was in need of some deliciousness to make my own day a little better. Plus Kalee was visiting and she's a juice girl!
We both: put on the silent treatment and it spanned four long days! Granted, those were the days that work keeps us apart every week anyway and so avoiding each other was not exactly tricky even in our 600ish sq ft apt, but still... this, our first fight, took a toll on both of us.
The Upshot:We're clearly not fighting anymore. Matt still stands that I hurt his feelings and pride by making him return the gift he bought me and I understand that. I didn't think about him as an individual when I reacted. I only thought about us as a couple and what we were supposed to be working toward... together.
What I had to say to him during the make-up days was nothing new, I imagine. Expensive gifts are really really not necessary and in truth, they make me angry. I can give a million reasons why, but what it boils down to is that I appreciate more when people do what they say (we're supposed to be doing the things we say we're going to, right?!) and he says that we are saving money to buy a house, to have babies and to not have to work so many hours later in life. We have promised each other a great future! And I am totally, irrevocably focused on that. Just typing about it has me salivating.
I do also know now that he considers me dangerous - or he would not have hunkered down as did during the fight. He really was anticipating me to come at him with some crazy shit. That's a commentary on both of us, I guess. He clearly views me -and has said so many times- of being unnervingly cerebral, which as a person who always reacts with emotions at full tilt, puts him on guard. It also speaks of his past relationship - one that was clouded in a real tornado of fists and fury.
Fine. But kinda exactly where we were before. Lots of promises. Lots of plans. Tons of prime make-up cuddling. And, inevitably, a couple of fresh wounds. We can and will erase these fours silent days from our collective memories soon enough, hoping that as we move forward our second fight won't someday blow the roof off the place. Passion like ours can -and often does- grow both ways.
The Aftermath: We now definitely know how the other one responds to conflict!
HE: Removed small things from the house that he thought I would miss (i.e. the cable we use to link the computer to the TV). He hid things that he thought I might look to use. He deliberately chose not to buy something for me when he went to the grocery store. He claims to have prepared himself overall for mental warfare - assuming that I would attack when he least expected it with some sort of psychological maneuver.
I: Simply chose to buy myself juice (for the first time since we've moved to NYC!) instead of my usual choice of Dr. Brown's Cream Soda for him. My reasoning: I can only carry so much and I was in need of some deliciousness to make my own day a little better. Plus Kalee was visiting and she's a juice girl!
We both: put on the silent treatment and it spanned four long days! Granted, those were the days that work keeps us apart every week anyway and so avoiding each other was not exactly tricky even in our 600ish sq ft apt, but still... this, our first fight, took a toll on both of us.
The Upshot:We're clearly not fighting anymore. Matt still stands that I hurt his feelings and pride by making him return the gift he bought me and I understand that. I didn't think about him as an individual when I reacted. I only thought about us as a couple and what we were supposed to be working toward... together.
What I had to say to him during the make-up days was nothing new, I imagine. Expensive gifts are really really not necessary and in truth, they make me angry. I can give a million reasons why, but what it boils down to is that I appreciate more when people do what they say (we're supposed to be doing the things we say we're going to, right?!) and he says that we are saving money to buy a house, to have babies and to not have to work so many hours later in life. We have promised each other a great future! And I am totally, irrevocably focused on that. Just typing about it has me salivating.
I do also know now that he considers me dangerous - or he would not have hunkered down as did during the fight. He really was anticipating me to come at him with some crazy shit. That's a commentary on both of us, I guess. He clearly views me -and has said so many times- of being unnervingly cerebral, which as a person who always reacts with emotions at full tilt, puts him on guard. It also speaks of his past relationship - one that was clouded in a real tornado of fists and fury.
So where are we now?
Fine. But kinda exactly where we were before. Lots of promises. Lots of plans. Tons of prime make-up cuddling. And, inevitably, a couple of fresh wounds. We can and will erase these fours silent days from our collective memories soon enough, hoping that as we move forward our second fight won't someday blow the roof off the place. Passion like ours can -and often does- grow both ways.
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