A birthday looms!
So Sunday is my birthday. I will be 31 and this birthday feels somehow much more significant than the last. I'm not just 30 anymore... I'm in my 30's!
Now, I'm good with that, but of course it's got me thinking some odd things, like: is life always going to be this surreal?
Okay - how to put this into words? I guess it's as though I've always felt like I've just been playing house with my life - so few things ever feel natural. Like I'm incapable of fully taking on board the evolution of my life. Everyday day constantly strikes me as... well, just as I said... surreal.
* Walking around my neighborhood still feels novel even though I've been in NYC for almost 2 years.
* It's still weird to say fiancé even though Matt and I have been engaged for almost 10 months (has it really been that long??!)
* I never got used to saying husband even though I was married for a good 7 years.
* I'm certain that when I have kids, I'll look at them every day and at least for a moment think - Seriously? I have kids. How weird is that.
Am I crazy?? Does everyone else think like this too and just not say so? Am I oddly incapable of taking things for granted?
One way or the other, I'm starting to think that thinking this way is a good thing. Though its probably a very weird way to live out your days, there are some great benefits to being 31 and still playing house. My romantic life is smooth sailing - the big things don't seem so big and the little things are kind of cute and amusing. I never ever miss an opportunity to tell someone I love how I feel - thoughtfulness can be really creative and I dig that. I rarely get frustrated or angry anymore - why bother when its all a game, right?
This birthday, just as the last several have, also has me obsessively thinking about the future and adulthood. I'm time to start doing the things I say I'm going to do. That's being a writer -for real. Getting married. Having babies. Being stable and not constantly poor. When it comes to this stuff, I see things mathematically.
Now, I'm good with that, but of course it's got me thinking some odd things, like: is life always going to be this surreal?
Okay - how to put this into words? I guess it's as though I've always felt like I've just been playing house with my life - so few things ever feel natural. Like I'm incapable of fully taking on board the evolution of my life. Everyday day constantly strikes me as... well, just as I said... surreal.
* Walking around my neighborhood still feels novel even though I've been in NYC for almost 2 years.
* It's still weird to say fiancé even though Matt and I have been engaged for almost 10 months (has it really been that long??!)
* I never got used to saying husband even though I was married for a good 7 years.
* I'm certain that when I have kids, I'll look at them every day and at least for a moment think - Seriously? I have kids. How weird is that.
Am I crazy?? Does everyone else think like this too and just not say so? Am I oddly incapable of taking things for granted?
One way or the other, I'm starting to think that thinking this way is a good thing. Though its probably a very weird way to live out your days, there are some great benefits to being 31 and still playing house. My romantic life is smooth sailing - the big things don't seem so big and the little things are kind of cute and amusing. I never ever miss an opportunity to tell someone I love how I feel - thoughtfulness can be really creative and I dig that. I rarely get frustrated or angry anymore - why bother when its all a game, right?
This birthday, just as the last several have, also has me obsessively thinking about the future and adulthood. I'm time to start doing the things I say I'm going to do. That's being a writer -for real. Getting married. Having babies. Being stable and not constantly poor. When it comes to this stuff, I see things mathematically.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
There is definitely some work to be done here. But not right now. Matt has just (finally!) gotten home from work and it's time to start my Friday night!
Hope you are having a good birthday weekend, I'm sure Matt has something crazy up his sleeve !
See you in a couple weeks. Ps I have a gift for you ( an awesome one ) but I didn't mail it. You get it when you get home