Let's talk gifts.
Let us speak of gifts and gift giving.
Where do I start? I know! I'll start with the fact that everyone I've brought this topic up to in the last two days has said I'm a jerk. Okay, they used a bigger cuss word than that, but we're going to try and be a little PG here.
Let's first give it the paragraph it deserves: How beyond thoughtful is he?? He knows that I have been working hard on this blog and has witnessed first hand how intensely I've been attacking my video and photo editing projects that he took it upon himself to upgrade my computer to something perfectly tailored to all this. And he did it despite the hit he would take to his bank account because when it comes to me he doesn't care - if it makes me happy, he would pawn his last pair of shoes to get me what I want/need. So few women are fortunate enough to be in a relationship where their man not only recognizes the things that are important to them, but goes out of their way to support them in their interests.
He is also a complete pain in my ass and he knows it. This gift was not cheap and though he says he has budgeted out this purchase, he really hasn't.
Had he, he would have realized that we do not have enough savings between us to carry us for any length of time -god-forbid- we have some sort of an emergency. We have nothing put aside for our wedding. If I were to get pregnant (an eventual goal of ours!), we could not at this point afford for me to take any maternity leave. We want to buy a place in two years and have nothing to date saved for a down payment.
All big things should be momentarily forgotten because it's your birthday, you say? Ok. Well, to that I say, my current computer is only two years old and works great. Let me repeat that - my computer is two years old and works great. We promised each other that the vacation we took three weeks ago to Puerto Rico was our birthday present (his bday was Feb 23rd!) to ourselves. He just bought me a back massager thingy. He threw me a huge birthday party yesterday complete with a $60 birthday cake. I have never mixed words with him - expensive gifts are lost on me. I don't wear diamonds, except on the rare special occasion and only then kind of because I know he likes me to. I will always chose a $20 guided tour in my own city over a costly possession. I have never craved items - apart perhaps from my irrational love of colorful plates.
He knows all this and spends crazy money on me anyway. He does so, even though he knows for a fact it's going to make me mad. So the gift I am really getting is anger. Dramatic? Maybe. I'm Audrey's daughter. I never claimed to be anything less.
Roughly put, he and I feel very differently when it comes to money. Though we have both hit rock bottom at one point in our lives, I am beginning to feel that maybe I hit my head allot harder on my rocks than he did on his.
Background info: Part of what spurred on my divorce was this former husband of mine's terrible habit of dropping life-crushing lies. He chucked them like he were skipping stones, not caring if the lies every surfaced again.The waves he caused at first were small and easy to over look. But when I started to catch on, he began to lie about the lying, and we all know how all that shakes down in the end. He said he had a job. He did not. He said he was paying the bills. He was not. He told me not to worry, that he was taking care of everything and that I should focus on starting a career that I truly wanted to have. He would completely support me during the transition. It was a dream come true. When the house (I bought us) went into foreclosure and when our lawyer suggested that we file for bankruptcy at 27 years old to unload the half a million dollars in debt we had somehow accumulated, I was completely blind sided. I had myself not so much as been late on a credit card payment. My family was there for me, but no one was in a position to support me financially. I made the choice to stay put, 1500 miles away from my family, and put it all back together myself. I am proud of what I have accomplished. I paid back every single friend he borrowed money from. I have fixed my credit, started a 401k, an IRA and have saved what feels like a junk load of money. And I have found Matt, a man who loves me and matches me in the effort he puts into the life we share together. Yeah, Matt is great.
But still, I am more wise than I once was; I am acutely aware. I am incapable of ignoring that this life has the nasty habit of throwing unexpected twists and turns at you and I respect that. Sure I'm afraid, but that is not what this whole gift thing is about. I simply do not need immediate gratification or retail therapy. Instead, I am focused on obtaining for Matt (and myself!) the life that we want together. He doesn't want to work 70 hours a week for the rest of his life - nor do I. We want to live the dream and perhaps more importantly, we want to be able to afford to live the dream.
I have never been well off. In fact, to some standards, I have been mostly poor. I have also never been given gifts. My mother never has and my former husband certainly didn't. Maybe I'm just not used to it. Maybe it simply makes me uncomfortable, but I really don't think that's it. Small gifts light up my day. They become memories and I use or wear them like merit badges. I earned this gift, I think to myself. Look, everyone, how well he knows me; how much he loves me!
Why doesn't he get that?
What would make me most happy; what I would give anything for is more of this amazing life that Matt has already gifted me. That and maybe a trendy necklace from Urban Outfitters.
Chime in, please! Am I out of my mind? Should I apologize to him for my reaction?? Does anyone else feel the way I do?
*sigh*
Where do I start? I know! I'll start with the fact that everyone I've brought this topic up to in the last two days has said I'm a jerk. Okay, they used a bigger cuss word than that, but we're going to try and be a little PG here.
Matt bought me a Macbook Pro for my birthday!
Let's first give it the paragraph it deserves: How beyond thoughtful is he?? He knows that I have been working hard on this blog and has witnessed first hand how intensely I've been attacking my video and photo editing projects that he took it upon himself to upgrade my computer to something perfectly tailored to all this. And he did it despite the hit he would take to his bank account because when it comes to me he doesn't care - if it makes me happy, he would pawn his last pair of shoes to get me what I want/need. So few women are fortunate enough to be in a relationship where their man not only recognizes the things that are important to them, but goes out of their way to support them in their interests.
Matt is incredible.
He is also a complete pain in my ass and he knows it. This gift was not cheap and though he says he has budgeted out this purchase, he really hasn't.
Had he, he would have realized that we do not have enough savings between us to carry us for any length of time -god-forbid- we have some sort of an emergency. We have nothing put aside for our wedding. If I were to get pregnant (an eventual goal of ours!), we could not at this point afford for me to take any maternity leave. We want to buy a place in two years and have nothing to date saved for a down payment.
All big things should be momentarily forgotten because it's your birthday, you say? Ok. Well, to that I say, my current computer is only two years old and works great. Let me repeat that - my computer is two years old and works great. We promised each other that the vacation we took three weeks ago to Puerto Rico was our birthday present (his bday was Feb 23rd!) to ourselves. He just bought me a back massager thingy. He threw me a huge birthday party yesterday complete with a $60 birthday cake. I have never mixed words with him - expensive gifts are lost on me. I don't wear diamonds, except on the rare special occasion and only then kind of because I know he likes me to. I will always chose a $20 guided tour in my own city over a costly possession. I have never craved items - apart perhaps from my irrational love of colorful plates.
He knows all this and spends crazy money on me anyway. He does so, even though he knows for a fact it's going to make me mad. So the gift I am really getting is anger. Dramatic? Maybe. I'm Audrey's daughter. I never claimed to be anything less.
Roughly put, he and I feel very differently when it comes to money. Though we have both hit rock bottom at one point in our lives, I am beginning to feel that maybe I hit my head allot harder on my rocks than he did on his.
Background info: Part of what spurred on my divorce was this former husband of mine's terrible habit of dropping life-crushing lies. He chucked them like he were skipping stones, not caring if the lies every surfaced again.The waves he caused at first were small and easy to over look. But when I started to catch on, he began to lie about the lying, and we all know how all that shakes down in the end. He said he had a job. He did not. He said he was paying the bills. He was not. He told me not to worry, that he was taking care of everything and that I should focus on starting a career that I truly wanted to have. He would completely support me during the transition. It was a dream come true. When the house (I bought us) went into foreclosure and when our lawyer suggested that we file for bankruptcy at 27 years old to unload the half a million dollars in debt we had somehow accumulated, I was completely blind sided. I had myself not so much as been late on a credit card payment. My family was there for me, but no one was in a position to support me financially. I made the choice to stay put, 1500 miles away from my family, and put it all back together myself. I am proud of what I have accomplished. I paid back every single friend he borrowed money from. I have fixed my credit, started a 401k, an IRA and have saved what feels like a junk load of money. And I have found Matt, a man who loves me and matches me in the effort he puts into the life we share together. Yeah, Matt is great.
But still, I am more wise than I once was; I am acutely aware. I am incapable of ignoring that this life has the nasty habit of throwing unexpected twists and turns at you and I respect that. Sure I'm afraid, but that is not what this whole gift thing is about. I simply do not need immediate gratification or retail therapy. Instead, I am focused on obtaining for Matt (and myself!) the life that we want together. He doesn't want to work 70 hours a week for the rest of his life - nor do I. We want to live the dream and perhaps more importantly, we want to be able to afford to live the dream.
I have never been well off. In fact, to some standards, I have been mostly poor. I have also never been given gifts. My mother never has and my former husband certainly didn't. Maybe I'm just not used to it. Maybe it simply makes me uncomfortable, but I really don't think that's it. Small gifts light up my day. They become memories and I use or wear them like merit badges. I earned this gift, I think to myself. Look, everyone, how well he knows me; how much he loves me!
Why doesn't he get that?
What would make me most happy; what I would give anything for is more of this amazing life that Matt has already gifted me. That and maybe a trendy necklace from Urban Outfitters.
************************************
Chime in, please! Am I out of my mind? Should I apologize to him for my reaction?? Does anyone else feel the way I do?
No apologies necessary... I'm glad he has someone like you to keep things in check! Now, if you told him I don't like it or you kept it and never used it (like someone I know)...that's a different story ;)