Ugh Boston
Hi, All.
I have some apologies (and admissions) to make. Oh, I've been such a terrible blogger.
Now, we knew it would... at first. We left Manhattan for goodness sake where we had an incredibly dramatic and fun-filled lifestyle that we enthusiastically shared with the most loyal and vivacious set of friends. Life was GREAT there, but expensive and all that fun was taking a toll on our bodies. We knew that we could not keep up our Manhattan existence forever and with our eye on the prize (getting married, buying a home, having stupidly adorable brunette babies...) we traded one city for another. Boston made a stellar candidate on paper. It's way cheaper; its smaller and more manageable once the baby-raising years begin; and its already chucked full of family. Plus, its one of the oldest cities in America and you know how this girl loves her some history. As with every knew adventure, we were all in!
We're now two months strong in this state and some damp realities have drifted in. One. Boston is mighty clique-y. As an outsider (even one that grew up here), its actually borderline impossible to... get an apartment... get a job... make some friends. You literally get the impression that you have to 'break in' to a closed off community that was raised to instinctively distrust. What happened to you, Boston, that was so bad you no longer trust resumes, credit checks... hell, your own instincts??! We're still trying to get all of our ducks in a row around here, but we're close to it and are now not just ready but desperate to just get back to living. This leads up to Number Two.
Two: Life is SO much more hectic here than... what?! Manhattan?!! Oh yes, I said. Life here is crazy busy except we are not having even half as much fun. Basic human needs take forever to satisfy here! Food delivery? Not during the hours we are home, so we have to actually grocery shop again (who knew eating was so time consuming?) You have to drive a decent distance to get anywhere and parking always blows so blah to that. I'm sure it doesn't help that we moved 10 miles outside Boston and have to fight the parking lot of doom and despair that is I-93, but whatever, we anticipated a commute but why does it take an hour to get into the city at 10pm on a Tuesday?? Don't even get me started about the liquor laws around here - no unlimited mimosa brunch?? These people are heathens! Ok, there is more to it than that. My partner in fun making, Matt, is no joke working 16 hours a day 6 days a week so I never see him. Having him around always makes everything better. When we're embarking on an adventure together nothing matters, not traffic, not an hour wait for a dinner table, not even having to pay for each bellini individually! We are never pleased with our lives when we don't see each other - that's our biggest reality. In Manhattan, we resigned ourselves to the fact that we had to work our faces off to afford to live there and we made up for it by spending all our surplus money on super duper awesome activities together on our days off. But we moved to Boston to change all that! We are supposed to see each other more often (or at the very least the same amount) - so far that's just not the case and we are disappointed. We're only been here two months and I miss my sweetheart.
And then there's Three: We moved here to be part of a family but it seems that we are no more part of it then when we lived three hours away. I don't want to complain. I get it. Everyone has busy lives and I know that life gets so full when you become an adult. And I've been away for so long that naturally their daily routines don't include me. Plus I still live an hour away so I get it, but I'm bummed. I promised Matt that moving here would bring him this huge sense of family and it will... someday, when he and I have enough free time to create it for ourselves. If you could purchase more hours in a day, we'd buy in bulk.
So here's the truth - moving back home has made me more home sick than I have ever been in my whole life. I miss my NYC family- the ones that always had time for me and who went out of their way to be my family every day and not just when we happened to be at the same place at the same time. I miss our lifestyle. I miss my sweetheart. I miss our stupid little apartment with our kick ass backyard. I miss walking to the train. Dude, I miss GrubHub!
I'm discouraged. I've stopped blogging. I no longer have a mile long list of local experiences I'm desperate to check out. I'm not me and that was my biggest fear about moving home. I need to find a way to stop the air in Boston from feeling so heavy. Matt's job needs to allow him to live a real life. I need to forget that I am home so that I can attack this city the same as all the others that have come before. So what if I have to explore Boston on my own for a while? That's the way my adventures always start! I do things on my own until people catch on to the awesomeness of activities and then boom, I'm swimming in friends.
I can do this. I'm a dirty little fun have-er! I want to love this city!! And hell, if I can't... something tells me New York will take me back. :)
I love your blog, have been following for a bit but have never commented. You guys seem to have such a vibrant life, full of fun adventures and your posts are so open and honest.
So much of this post has hit home to me though. My 1st year in NYC was a struggle. Every task (schlepping groceries up 5 flights, not having central air, living in a 150 yr old building, etc) felt like I was on a survivor show. I do love this place now, 7+ yrs later but I still get those feelings every once in a while, the "what am I doing here." It's a struggle to make ends meet, it's a struggle to make my 9-5 schedule work with my bartender bf's. And I get completely overwhelmed when I think about the the further stresses, owning a home (ha!), having kids, etc. But this is now home,
Anyways... nothing new, but I definitely second getting out there and going on some Boston adventures! It's lonely to go on adventures alone or without the bf, but I do it all the time out of necessity to myself and in the end, it's fun. It'll get better, and before you know it, it's home, not just the hometown.
Alicia! Thank you so much for the words! I read them yesterday while literally parked on the highway waiting for traffic to please-dear-god move forward and they made me smile. Its so good to be reminded sometimes that our whoa's are not as unique as they sometimes feel. It really does makes it all feel so much more manageable. As in, 'if she can do it, I can do it!'
I'm certain that if we keep our chins up together the good times will roll!